1. ______________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________
4. ______________________________________________
5. ______________________________________________

Great! Now, let’s check what you rule book is saying for each one of these things you just named. Here is the question for each of them: "For you to feel/experience _____________what needs to happen, what needs to be present in order for you to feel that way or to experience that?

Let me give you an example. If your value number one was to be happy, you would perhaps answer this question saying something like:

Example No.1
"For me to be totally happy, I need to have my own home that is paid for AND a loving partner to share life with AND to have a perfect body and health, AND to love and be loved, AND to have financial freedom, etc..."

You could also say something like this:

Example No.2
"For me to be totally happy, I need to wake up in the morning and open my eyes, OR take a deep breath, OR to see myself in the mirror, OR to be in a loving relationship, OR to have kids to care for, OR etc..."

Please be honest with yourself and understand that you are not listing it how you would like it to be. Making it look better won’t do you any favours — list it how it is, how your inner mind, your rule book would insist on.

Please name everything that comes to mind, and pay attention on whether you need all these things in order to experience that, or whether either of listed items will do and cause such experience or state. You may use word AND if you need them all or both, or the word OR if either of the items listed would be suffice. Do this now for each item on your list.

For you to feel/experience_______________ , what needs to happen, what needs to be present in order for you to feel that way or to experience that?

1. ______________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________
4. ______________________________________________
5. ______________________________________________

Great, you just gained some insights about yourself and your own rule book that rules your perception and your results. Now would be a good time to do the other side of your values. You see, we have two different strategies for our behaviour in any context. Strategies are either Toward what you want, or Away from what you don’t want. I’ll explain this in greater detail when we cover strategies, but for now, I would imagine that you listed above your Toward values, things that you would like to experience or feel.

And that is why I would like to elicit your Away from values now. Away from would be the experiences/feelings that you would do whatever possible to stay away from, to NOT experience. This would be things that you would want to stay away from, not experience in life.

In the past, what have been the feelings you would do almost anything to avoid?

List here top 5, your biggest Away from:

1. ______________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________
4. ______________________________________________
5. ______________________________________________

Great! Now, let’s check what you rule book is saying for each one of these things you just named. Here is the question for each of them: "For you to feel/experience _____________________what needs to happen, what needs to be present in order for you to feel that way or to experience that?

Please name everything that comes to mind, and pay attention on whether you need all these things in order to experience that, or whether either of listed items will do and cause such experience or state. You may use word AND if you need them all or both, or the word OR if either of the items listed would suffice. Do this now for each item on your list.

For you to feel/experience__________________ , what needs to happen, what needs to be present in order for you to feel that way or to experience that?

1. ______________________________________________
2. ______________________________________________
3. ______________________________________________
4. ______________________________________________
5. ______________________________________________

I needed you to do this on your own, seriously discovering your inner world and the rules that you actually live by. Usual picture is that my client would make it so darn difficult for him or herself when it comes to meeting the criteria for the things that they want in life, for their Toward values. And we do this by adding AND after a statement, as in my example No.1 above. For this person to EVER feel totally happy, s/he would need to meet all of the named items/criteria’s BEFORE s/he can feel totally happy! What a sad image, why would they curse themselves like that, why would they make it so difficult for themselves to live their life by those rules?!?!

The fact is that they didn’t know any better, otherwise they wouldn’t do that to their biggest enemy I'd hope! And on the other side, the Away from values usually have a list of rules that is total opposite! The criteria listed are so easy to meet that it’s quite unbelievable. Away from values are usually listed with many OR’s as either of listed items will cause such undesired, unresourceful, often debilitating State that will cause such direction in terms of their thinking, behaviour and ultimately their results in life.

WOW! I trust you understand that either of these states will shape your thinking and behaviour in such way. So, wouldn’t it be a rather intelligent idea to make your rules in such way that it would be rather easy meeting the criteria for the Toward values and extremely difficult to meet the Away from values? Perhaps your rule book is already wired in such beneficial way; I have no ways of knowing. If so, good job!

Spending time in negative states is very damaging and debilitating. It changes your focus, it takes over you and your internal representations and we produce negative thinking, alike behaviour and create undesired results in life.

Needless to say at this point, you will get much faster in life whatever it is that you are striving for, by spending time in resourceful states, gearing all your systems towards what you want! If I were you, I would change my rules around and make them in such way that it supports my goals, allowing me constant access to my inner resources, spending time in positive, inspiring states. It makes sense, doesn’t it?